Notorious pornmonger Michael Lucas, politically despicable, exploitive of the models he casts in his videos, sartorially tasteless, with a permanent pucker that has earned him the nickname “Duckface,” is perhaps not quite the total top he portrays in his auteur sleaze.

Yes, Ole Duckface himself. And, yes, I find him as repellant a person as probably everybody else reading this. And a hypocrite as regards barebacking (formerly having aggressively condemned producers of bareback porn, now the auteur behind masterpieces like Bareback Cumswappers). And an exploiter of his models. Using his sugardaddy’s money to pressure NYC’s gay and lesbian center to conform to his discriminatory politics. All of that.

I know someone who got fucked by him in a car when they met at a party. I’ve seen him strutting around the streets of Chelsea in his cha-cha heel boots. I remember when he first started doing Falcon porn, thinking, well, if someone would get him a decent haircut and tell him to stop sucking in his cheekbones and pursing his lips, he might be okay, even though he’s really hairy. But I never really found him arousing as viewing material, and then as he became the Orson Welles of Buttfuck Porn, and his horrible personality and bigoted political views became known, even less so.

I do enjoy the scenes in some of his movies that don’t feature him.

But there he was on the other side of the plexiglass video booth partition in a porn store, on his knees, waiting to suck my cock. Yes, Mr. Top Stud wanted some gloryhole dick between those notoriously puffy lips. His own extra large cock was thrusting out of the fly of his too-tight jeans and he was wearing one of those orange-y brown Members Only style jackets favored by eastern Europeans whose fashion sense is stuck somewhere between disco and Thriller.

He serviced my cock while the porn played onscreen. I wondered if he would prefer seeing one of his own videos while he sucked.

He stood up and pushed his rod through the opening in the window (the kind that lifts up, rather than being a true gloryhole) so I figured, I might as well taste the legend.

After that, he turned around and presented his ass at the opening for me to finger. I didn’t get a sense that he actually wanted to be fucked, but maybe that’s because he’s always on top of all the hot boys he pays to have sex with him on camera. So I shoved some fingers in and worked his hole, and he shot his load.

Yes, Mr. Porn Top got off having his pussy worked over in a sleazy video booth on Christopher Street.

I’m not proud of it, but I did Duckface.